You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
