evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
