I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
