bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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