you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
