The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
