One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
