and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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