I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
