I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
