you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
