I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
