i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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