Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
