I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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