Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You need a sexual gate keeper
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
