If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
