Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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