even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
