Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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