Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
