Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
