Got a toothbrush?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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