A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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