I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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