i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
