I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
