Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
