Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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