aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
