If that was your dad, he is hot
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were trust falling into bushes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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