I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
