Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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