I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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