absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
