Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
