we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
