I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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