Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
