I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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