Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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