I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
