Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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