let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
