dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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