Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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