if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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