You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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