my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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