never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
