so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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