Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My cat gives me a boner
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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