hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
