im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
