She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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