He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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