I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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