I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
