o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
