I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
