He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
